PC Babysitting
by KyleRocks1995
Summary: When the PC Principal and Strong Woman are having a weekend party, Kyle and the gang babysit the PC Babies for the weekend. But one of the kids wasn’t allowed to babysit, and got jealous... Still in progress. Toilet humor and strong language.
1. 1

-PC Babysitting Part 1

————-

(It's just another normal day in Mr. Garrison's class at South Park Elementary. Mr. Garrison has been teaching the kids many normal things, from math to literature to history and such. Currently he's teaching them some things about Ancient Babylon.)

Mr. Garrison: So, who was the king of Babylon?

Cartman: Neh neh neh neh neh neh! I know the answer! It was King Butthole!

Mr. Garrison: No, he wasn't called King Butthole!

Kyle: It was King Nebuchadnezzar the Second.

Mr. Garrison: Good job, Kyle.

(But after he finishes teaching them about the city of Babylon, he has an announcement to make to them all.)

Mr. Garrison: Well, class, today I was told by Peter Charles, also known as the PC Principal, that he and his wife Strong Woman are going to have a nightclub party this weekend.

Kenny (smiles and puts his hands in the air): Woohoo! Nightclub party!

Stan: Wait, what the fuck is a nightclub party?

Mr. Garrison: It's a weekend outing where adults dance and drink.

Kyle: Drink? You mean alcoholic stuff like beer and whiskey, right?

Mr. Garrison: Yeah. That kind of stuff. But the real issue here is... who's going to watch all of the little PC Babies?

Kyle: PC Babies?

Stan: Yeah, why should we watch someone else's babies?

Mr. Garrison: Because there are no good babysitters in town, and our school staff members will be doing their own things on the weekend. So...

Clyde: PC Babies? Ew! Will I have to change their diapers?

Craig: Maybe I could help, but not without Tweek.

Tweek: P-C- B... b-babies! Ugh! So many of these little s-stinkers! Grr!

Wendy Testaburger: Maybe I could care for them. But not without my friends.

Mr. Garrison (to himself): Sigh, I could let the whole class volunteer, but this isn't working out.) So I guess it will be Stan, Butters, Kenny, and Kyle. If not that, then I'll try to contact childcare in Denver...

Kyle, Stan, Butters and Kenny: We'll help babysit!

Mr. Garrison: Wait, what? You'll help babysit? Good boys! So you're going to be in charge of taking are of the babies.

Kenny: Woohoo! We're gonna do babysitting!

Kyle: Uh... yeah. We're gonna do babysitting I guess!

Stan: Sounds good!

Butters: We're gonna babysit all those little PC Babies!

Cartman: Why can't I babysit?

Mr. Garrison (to Cartman): Because you, Eric Cartman, had a huge temper tantrum in the art room yesterday. You threw paintbrushes everywhere, and ripped up other students' paintings.

Cartman: Aw crap!


	2. 2

-PC Babysitting Part 2:

———

(Later, Stan, Butters, Kyle, and Kenny are all in the hallway before lunch, along with other students lining up for lunch.)

Butters: Hey! Uh... Kyle? Kyle, I gotta ask you something.

Kyle: Yes, what is it?

Butters: You, Stan, Kenny and I are all gonna take care of those PC Babies on the weekend later.

Kyle: Yeah, Butters. That's very true.

Stan: Yeah. We'll all be their daddies for the weekend.

Butters: But I couldn't help but think, "how do you care for so many babies?" Especially since I'm no expert in childcare, ya know.

Kyle: Well, I'm not sure myself. But with my adopted baby brother, Ike, I do know some basic things about caring for infants and toddlers.

Butters: Like, uh, what basic things, Kyle?

Kyle: When you care for kids, you have to take care of them, play with them, feed them, keep them well hydrated, make sure they do well in school, and get their doctor appointments and vaccines regularly. Among other things.

Butters: That's interesting, Kyle. Mind you if I use the restroom?

Kyle: Go ahead, Butters. Meet me in the cafeteria...

Butters: Okay, I'll get er done! (runs towards a restroom)

(However, in the restroom, Butters is using the toilet as he hears mumbling and grunts from a stall next to him. The grunts sound like Kenny's voice.)

Butters (trying to poop after peeing, grunting as he's a bit constipated himself) Ugh... I'm not the only one grunting here...

Nearby stall: Ugh... Mrph mrph muh mrph! Mrph? (takes a huge "poop") Woohoo! I made a big one!

Butters (finally poops) Ah! Oh boy, that poop was a - woah... (looks at his toilet) This looks like a chocolate rice crispy cluster.

(Forgetting to flush, Butters exits the toilet, just when Kenny leaps out his own stall. Kenny is giggling and smiling.)

Kenny: Woohoo! Hey, Butters, look what I made!

Butters: Okie dokie, but first, I made a chocolate rice crispy ball. Come see.

Kenny: Yum! Can I eat-

Butters: No, Kenny! It's a cluster of poop!

Kenny: Okay. (Looks at Butter's "hard one") So, uh, Butters... I just pooped out a baby.

Butters: No way, Kenny. Show me you did that!

(Kenny and Butters look at Kenny's toilet, to find a plush doll that looks just like Kenny, but smaller.)

Butters: Wow, Kenny! You just made a little copy of yourself!

Kenny: My, pleasure, Butters. But... it has sunglasses...

Butters: It must be one of those PC Babies you just popped out, Kenny.

————-

(In the cafeteria, Kenny and Butters sit down with the other kids, like Wendy Testaburger, Clyde, and Craig.)

(Kenny, on the other hand, is bottle feeding and cuddling his "baby". Trying to convince to other kids that it's real, he makes cooing noises.)

Butters (to Craig) You won't believe this, Craig. Kenny just made a kid.

Craig: I'm speechless. I think he's pranking us all for fun. His kid is barely moving or twitching by itself.

Clyde: Ugh. Hope it's just a toy. Or else, Kenny will have to change it's dirty diapers...

Wendy Testaburger: Yeah, maybe it's a toy. But it's great to see Kenny playing daddy for a day.

Kenny: Shh! Leave my baby alone! (Kenny starts fake crying, wiping his squinted eyes with his mittens) Wah wah!

Craig: Kenny looks like quite the parent. But that kid of his is really a puppet.

Butters: Guys, hear this: Kenny is the puppet master, in progress...

All the kids (in amusement) Oo! Cool!

——————


	3. 3

-PC Babysitting Part 3:

——————

(later at the library, Stan and his gang are looking at books. Butters and Wendy Testaburger are there, too. But Cartman is also there.)

Wendy (in an aisle with Butters, mostly surrounded by pet care books): Hmm... I wonder if there are any books on childcare?

Butters (a bit distracted by a hamster care guide): Childcare? Don't know where to find that...

Wendy (looks towards Butters, walks to him and gently holds his hand): Don't worry, Butters. Carry that book with you, and I'll lead you towards the parenting section... if I can find it.

(In the childcare section, Wendy and Butters take a quick peek at several parenting books, flipping through their pages. Eventually, they find and peek at a book about caring for infants and toddlers.)

Wendy: This book looks good, doesn't it? It's got whole pages about playtime, child development, feeding, changing diapers, and even tricycle training.

Butters: Tricycle training? You're talkin' bout that three-wheeled bike thingy, aren't ya?

Wendy: Yep. Riding a tricycle is good exercise. It strengthens and tones the muscles in the legs. Do you think Cartman should ride a tricycle?

Butters: Uh, I don't know, Wendy. Cartman uh, really needs to lose weight, and uh, he needs to exercise more.

Wendy: That's right. A regular two-wheeled bicycle might be too dangerous for him, since he's so clumsy.

(However, Cartman is in an aisle next to Butters and Wendy. Cartman hears their conversation, and starts to get mad at them he walks towards them and invades their personal space.)

Wendy (startled by Cartman's sudden presence): Uh, Cartman? You're invading our p-p-... personal space here?

Cartman: You whiny little wigger faggots! I'm big boned, and I was born fat, so what can I do about it? Huh?

Butters: Shh, don't yell in a library.

Wendy: Lots of things, Eric. What do you eat each day besides fast food and fried stuff?

Cartman: Mashed potatoes. With plenty of real butter and whole milk, cuz that's good for ya.

Wendy: Oh my god. Think about all that fat in the milk and butter, with so much white starch... just about the same type of starch in white bread, pasta, and pastries... anyways, you're not allowed to step into Peter Charle's household.

Cartman: Well, for what, bitch? I try to be a good boy, don't I?

Butters: I hope you're being sarcastic, Cartman. Didn't you beat somebody up the other day?

Wendy: Yeah. And Cartman, you also flipped out in the art room, screaming and throwing stuff everywhere because you didn't like another student's drawing, or something like that.

Cartman: Well, screw you guys, I'm gonna hit the cookbooks.

————-

(meanwhile, Stan, Kenny and Kyle are at a local supermarket. Stan and Kyle are looking at baby food and formula, and Kenny is looking at the baby toys and diapers.)

Kyle (to Stan): So, Stan, this baby formula comes in bulk. This brand is fortified with omega three fatty acids, from farmed krill oil.

Stan: Farmed krill oil? Is that like fish oil?

Kyle: You know the stuff that blue whales eat? That's what krill is. Its a creature similar to shrimp. It's said to be very rich in omega three fats, which are good for mental and cardiovascular health.

Stan: Sounds good. But this one uses a mix of brown rice and cow's milk. What's the rice in there for?

Kyle: I don't know... probably to cut costs, and add more nutrition.

Kenny (holding a bag of multicolored plastic toy balls): Hey guys! The PC Babies will love this!

Stan: Good idea, Kenny. But those balls are meant for a ball pit.

Kyle: I agree, Stan. We should get an indoor play tent.

Stan (points at boxes of play tents): Okay Kyle, I think this is where the play tents are sold. Tents that look like starry skies, castles, and other stuff.

Kyle (grabs a castle play tent off the shelf): Hmm... Stan, I'm leaning towards this one. It's a gray brick play castle.

Stan: And it has a pretty gray stone floor, with a royal carpet. The PC Babies might love this.

Kenny: But don't forget the balls!


	4. 4

-(Now, Stan, Kyle and Kenny drop off the extra baby supplies at PC Principal's house. They knock on his door gently, to see if the PC Principal shows up.)

Kyle (knocks on the door) Hello? Is anybody here? Hello? (keeps knocking)

(The PC Principal was washing dishes by hand while calling a friend, but holds up the phone,to answer the door.)

PC Principal: Hello, who is it?

Stan: It's me, Stan, and my friends Kyle and Kenny.

Kyle: We said we'd take care of your babies for the weekend, right?

PC Principal: Yeah, hold on a second... excuse me please, ugh...

(Suddenly, the PC Principal opens the door.)

PC Principal: Oh, it's you, kids! So today, what did you come to my house for?

Kenny: We got stuff for the PC Babies. Diapers, food, toys, books, and a tent.

PC Principal: Why, that's very kind of you! Who helped to pay for all these supplies?

Stan: Randy Marsh's cash. He made lots of money as a magician not too long ago. And he let me use it to help buy supplies for your PC Babies.

PC Principal: That's very good! Anything else you wanna say before I get back to doing dishes? I was calling a friend, and got interrupted by you all, so...

Stan: I also stole twelve dollars from my mean big sister, Shelly. She's a real asshole...

PC Principal: What makes her so mean, Stan? Tell me why you call her that, please...

Stan: She punched and beat up a kid at lunch the other day, and now she's in counseling. She's grounded for two weeks, she can't watch any TV, and she went to detention.

PC Principal: Oh my fucking turd slinger.

Kenny: Shelly is a big fat bitch! She deserves to get detention and get her TV thrown out the window!

Kyle: I agree, Kenny. (looks towards PC Principal) Anyways, we hope you and your wife find these supplies useful. Especially with all those babies...

PC Principal: Well, thanks kiddo. Anyway, I'm getting back to washing dishes and calling my friend. Be safe!

Kyle, Stan and Kenny (waving and walking away from the PC Principal's house, leaving the supplies on his doorstep) Buh-bye! See you soon!

PC Principal ( lifting up lots of the supplies into his house) Oh man, these things are heavier than my wife's butt cheeks... Ohh! So heavy... wish that nightclub party would come sooner...


End file.
